I wanna kill myself :((?

I'm 16 now. I've been with the love of my life since we were both as little as 10. He broke up with me when we were 14 and got back together with me a year later. I dated two people in very short relationships in that year. When we got back together, we were crazily in love with each other, and that love was so real, and we both wanted it for a lifetime. He broke up with me later saying he wanted to concentrate on his schooling. He began to ignore me and then only talked to me whenever he needed to get physical so I felt used and hurt. I grew very depressed that he was treating me really badly, and I accepted to go out with a new person, who had been asking me for about 7 months and who was really nice to me. I felt like I needed to be taken care of, so I said yes after so many months. Meanwhile I had confided in a friend, things that had happened between me and my first love, and he told our whole school. He hated me for it, although I didn't intend it to be known to everyone, I just confided in someone I thought I could trust because I badly needed help - I was so very hurt from the way he had treated me. My friend betrayed my secrets to everyone. My ex said I'd broken my promises and destroyed his happiness for my selfish reasons. With this new guy, I felt lost and confused. I thought that things were over forever between me and my first love, and I felt like I needed a new life, one where I wouldn't always be hurting for him. I ended up sleeping with my new boyfriend thrice, because it made me feel like I was close to someone who cared - I guess I subconsciously was trying to recreate the intense, pure love my first love and I had together. Was that like cheating or something - was it wrong...? I broke up with the new guy when I realised I had never stopped loving my ex. I confessed to him a month later that I had lost my virginity to that new guy and since then we've been having so many problems. He demanded to know every tiny detail of it, I told him most but modified some things I didn't feel comfortable disclosing. All the details weren't even necessary, were they? Was I wrong to have done that? He's acting like I cheated on him or something, he calls me a whore almost every day, and says such rude and mean things, and they hurt me so badly. Some days he's nice to me and he seems to be forgetting about that and then again he begins to hurt me and kill me with his words. I don't have the strength to fight against the hurt anymore. I haven't seen happiness in over a year now and I just want it all to end. I'm losing all sense of self, I don't even know who I am anymore. I just know that I love him, and I know I've made some big mistakes, but I also know that I cannot possibly take more suffering than already. I just want out of all this, the madness just never stops :((. The worst part is that I know that this guy is the one, we fell for each other when we first met and we've been in each other's life so long that now I just can't imagine marrying and settling down with someone else, and I feel so hurt and begin to cry when I imagine him getting married to someone else. I love him so much, I asked him if he will let me have his baby in vitro if he's going to marry someone else because I'll feel like I have part of him with me and that's the last thing that could make me still live after he vows to be with someone else forever. And now the way things look, he sees me as a whore, someone who hurt him badly, and he says I have to earn his forgiveness if I really want it. Apparently he doesnt think I've suffered enough for my mistakes. But I know what I've been put through - I know how I felt when he just left me, again, even though he knew it would destroy me, and here I am, suffering for having been destroyed! I just want to die :((